Investigate My Life
Updated: Mar 4, 2020
"God, I invite your searching gaze into my heart. Examine me through and through; find out everything that may be hidden within me. Put me to the test and sift through all my anxious cares. See if there is any path of pain I'm walking on, and lead me back to your glorious, everlasting ways - the path that brings me back to you." (Psalm 139: 23-24 The Passion Translation)
I invited God to investigate my life last night. When I am overwhelmed I tend to shy away from Jesus. However, last night I was to the point where I couldn't hold it all together any longer and my forced positivity was running low. It's sometimes a struggle for me to sit with him, be still, and know Him. I pile up busyness on top of exhaustion on top of worry on top of life in general. Still, He keeps drawing me towards Himself and I am beginning to learn to stop resisting.
For days the old Delirious song "Investigate" from Psalm 139 had been roaming around in my head, so I finally sat still with God and told Him what was in my heart and I let Him in to see all of me. He showed up with such kindness. His strong, hopeful words undid me and I cried because of His beauty and His closeness. He reminded me of His love for me and of His promises over my life. We must remember: He is for us, not against us.
For the Pure and Shining One King David’s poetic song 1 Lord, you know everything there is to know about me. 2 You perceive every movement of my heart and soul, and you understand my every thought before it even enters my mind. 3–4 You are so intimately aware of me, Lord. You read my heart like an open book and you know all the words I’m about to speak before I even start a sentence! You know every step I will take before my journey even begins. 5 You’ve gone into my future to prepare the way, and in kindness you follow behind me to spare me from the harm of my past. With your hand of love upon my life, you impart a blessing to me. 6 This is just too wonderful, deep, and incomprehensible! Your understanding of me brings me wonder and strength. 7 Where could I go from your Spirit? Where could I run and hide from your face? 8 If I go up to heaven, you’re there! If I go down to the realm of the dead, you’re there too! 9 If I fly with wings into the shining dawn, you’re there! If I fly into the radiant sunset, you’re there waiting! 10 Wherever I go, your hand will guide me; your strength will empower me. 11 It’s impossible to disappear from you or to ask the darkness to hide me, for your presence is everywhere, bringing light into my night. 12 There is no such thing as darkness with you. The night, to you, is as bright as the day; there’s no difference between the two. 13 You formed my innermost being, shaping my delicate inside and my intricate outside, and wove them all together in my mother’s womb. 14 I thank you, God, for making me so mysteriously complex! Everything you do is marvelously breathtaking. It simply amazes me to think about it! How thoroughly you know me, Lord! 15 You even formed every bone in my body when you created me in the secret place, carefully, skillfully shaping me from nothing to something. 16 You saw who you created me to be before I became me! Before I’d ever seen the light of day, the number of days you planned for me were already recorded in your book. 17–18 Every single moment you are thinking of me! How precious and wonderful to consider that you cherish me constantly in your every thought! O God, your desires toward me are more than the grains of sand on every shore! When I awake each morning, you’re still with me.
(The Passion Translation)